Awareness of Microaggressions...Do you know when you are the aggressor?

In my reflective journal I have shared some personal information about how a family member of mine is a recovering alcoholic. Most people would read that line and wonder why I would bring this up and how does it relate to our course. My answer to those questions will amaze some of you and not surprise others.

When you think about an alcoholic or an addict you think about a dirty man living under a bridge who probably has done some very bad things in his life. You are most likely scared of this person if you ever come across them on an empty road. This is the stigma that society has placed upon those that suffer from the disease of addiction. I will continue to use the word addiction even when referring to alcoholism because alcoholism is an addiction as well.

Recently, I was put in a position while watching one of my son’s baseball games. A parent that I have become friends with commented about one of the others parents in attendance who had obviously decided to bring an alcoholic drink to the game. This parent filled up a traveled size coffee mug and had beverages in their car that they frequently refilled. The baseball game was for boys youth ages 9-10. The parent that I have become friends with started to talk about the other parent who was drinking and making several assumptions about this person. The first assumption was that the drinking parent was uneducated. The next assumption was that this person could be categorized in a lower socioeconomic status. I will go on to say that she also assumed that the person was a bad parent, even a bad person overall.

Normally, I do not share much information with someone unless I am feeling closer to them, trust them. However in this situation I had to share information to help them understand the meaning of addiction as a disease. I asked her what she thought about myself and my family. She replied that she thought we were your normal everyday middle class family. She was right, although she was very wrong at the same time.

My husband is working on finishing his Phd in Education, and is the director of curriculum, instruction and assessment for a large school system. My husband is a recovering alcoholic. He is educated, has a wife, four children, two cars, and lives a normal functioning lifestyle. You see the friend that I was talking about was offending me, although she did not mean to in any way. The stigma that surrounds this disease causes people to feel uncomfortable with those that are afflicted with the disease. I have to tell you that the parent that I explained this in utter shock when I told her my story. She apologized for her assumptions and asked me a lot of questions about the disease.

When we do not know people on an intimate level we can inadvertently cause them pain by speaking prejudice from ignorance of the subject matter. Even when we might feel that our opinions or beliefs are what is right, we must learn to bite our tongue and respect others. This woman had no idea that I had lived the life that I did and how the disease affected our family. She hurt my feelings without intention and would not have had a clue if I did not tell her. Everyone, I do not care who we are, is guilty of speaking discrimination and prejudice to someone without intent.

The lesson is to think before you speak and to be informed about what you want to say about someone. I have learned to think twice before voicing my opinion, I have learned to ask questions, and I have learned that maybe someone who looks to be struggling might need my help instead of my judgment. That parent that had the mug of alcohol at their son’s baseball game could have need someone to help them. Yes they might just be making what I believe to be a poor choice or maybe they just needed some resources to get help.