Reflecting on Communication and Collaboration

In the past two courses I have had more support from my colleagues than in any others courses. In the past 8 weeks the support has been overwhelming. I started my new job just after our classes began and I have been able to utilize the support of my colleagues during this trying time. I am continuing my education so that I can further my career and I will never say that it is easy to complete course work, work full time, and raise a family. This is by far one of the harder times in my life in the way of “keeping up”. That being said I am so grateful that I am moving forward.

I have had a lot of inquiries about my new position so I think that I will take the opportunity here to explain a little bit about my new position. I was hired by my local Head Start as a Practice-Based Coach. Before I explain my perception of the position I urge you to google this position along with this website: https://eclkc.ohs.acf.hhs.gov/hslc/tta-system/teaching/development/coaching.html. This is not a new idea to education, however it is becoming a bigger trend, especially in our middle and high school levels. I have two goals in this position. My first goal is to support and guide the teachers to better practices and the last goal is to improve the learning outcomes of the children. I will be observing the classrooms and evaluating what teachers are implementing in the classrooms. I will be looking to see if their practices are successful or if they need guidance to try something new. I hope that I will be embraced as a valuable resource and I look forward to the work that we can accomplish together. It amazes me that at the same time I started this new position I was starting a course in communication and collaboration. What I have learned during this course is valuable to what I am doing every day. I have learned new ways to communicate, how to strengthen my weaknesses, and also how to maintain my strengths.

I hope to continue my journey with those that continue to support me. My wish is that we stay in touch and we can help one another through our educational journey. I believe each one of you holds a strong passion for the children and their education and each will bring something significant to the classroom. My email address is Samantha.testa@waldenu.edu or my work email is stesta@lccaa.net. Even after we have our degrees posted on our office walls we can continue to professionally grow by collaborating with other educational professionals. 

Adjourning

In 2010 I had one of my hardest goodbyes. I had been working at the same county program for individuals with developmental disabilities for almost 15 years and it was now time for me to move on. The current position I was holding I had 6 individuals that I worked with on a daily basis and a number of other staff who relied on me for many things. The ultimate goal for the staff is ensuring that the individuals we serve are living life to their fullest and that they are happy and healthy. I created many close bonds and to this day I do still keep in contact with my colleagues and the individuals and their families.

We had many norms and routines which made life easy for the individuals and when I left I changed a lot of those. This also made my decision harder for me. There were a couple different gatherings for my goodbye parties and many gifts and tears. Ultimately in the end I knew that I was making the right decision for myself and my family to improve our quality of life.

I believe that in this Master’s program I will continue to keep in touch with some of my colleagues and I also believe I will be able to follow others because I just know they are meant for greater things. It will be time for us to part soon and it is necessary for us to become our own individuals in the field of Early Childhood Education. I believe we all have strong qualities and traits that we can bring to the field and it is important that we are looked at as individuals in this process. However, it is also important to note that we worked hard together to continue our studies and improve our practices. The support that I have had from my colleagues and some of the professors has had a profound impact on my life. Adjourning is not just a process of leaving a group it is a fact of life and we learn great things from being a part of the process. 

Improving My Conflict Skills

Conflict is something that I avoid at all cost most of the time. I do not like confrontation and the conflicts that I have experienced are usually fueled with negative feelings, intolerance, or even violence. I am currently not working. My first day of work will be on Monday so I do not have any work related conflicts to share. So I have decided to speak about a conflict that is currently ongoing with my parents.

I have a sister who is ten years younger than I and she has a 4 year old little girl. My sister is what most would consider an unfit mother. She is young and worries mostly about herself or the image of. At least 90% of my niece’s time is spent in a day care or with my parents. However the conflict arose when my parents moved to where my family is currently living and that is too far for them to care for my niece. To make a long story sort, my sister cannot hold a job, has different men moving in every 3-6 months, she is verbally abusive, and she is neglectful. My niece is unhealthy, has no discipline, and it is questionable whether or not she could be diagnosed with ADD, ADHD, or something similar. I could go on and on about the ways her development is being neglected, but the bottom line is she has not stability and needs a healthy environment.

The conflict and issue is that my parents are consistently enabling my sister to be the type of mother that she is. They fear what could happen to my niece so they always feel that the best option is to just do as my sister wishes. My parents have struggled with the worry they hold for my niece and what to do with their own lives. My parents are not healthy and need to worry about taking care of themselves, however they have not lived for themselves for at least the past four years. I have warned my parents that this issue is going to continue to grow if there is not something done. I have tried to explain to them the precious time they are losing with my niece’s development and how it is going to affect her future. I myself fear that one day I will get the phone call that something horrible has happened to my niece. For example, about a year ago I received a call that my sister was rushing my niece to the Emergency room. My sister was living with one of her boyfriends and she had a friend over. The story goes that my sister went into the restroom and the friend did not watch my niece who was three at the time. My niece then had enough time to go into a bedroom and find a bottle of pills and possibly swallow some of them. Yes you might think to yourself that this could have possibly been an accident. However, less than six months later, this same friend was babysitting for my sister and the same thing occurred and they were once again at the ER.

Recently, my parents were upset about living farther away and my sister putting my niece in child care for 15 hour days. My parents then decided maybe it would be a good idea that they would do a shared parenting deal with my sister. They would keep my niece for a week and then my sister would have her for a week. I thought that this had many negative consequences if played out. A few would be that she would be starting school soon and this scenario would not be possible. Also, my niece needs some stability in her life and that is not how she is going to find it. When she has to leave my house she literally, physically, wraps herself around my leg and does not want to leave. Can you imagine if my parents have to do this every other week?

I have learned a few things this week about how to deal with this conflict. I have learned that even though this is a very emotional subject for me, I cannot let that control how I handle the situation. The Third Side has taught me how to redirect and use prevention, resolve, and containment when a conflict has arisen. I know that this conflict is going to remain, it is my choice how to deal with it. I have learned that if I come armed with educated information I get farther with my knowledge. What I mean by this is that even if my parents still do not agree with me after they have read educated material I have a sense of peace knowing I did what I could. The NVC discusses the concept of human connections that empower compassionate giving and receiving. If my parents and I can see that both of us are compassionate about the issue and want to help we can come to a middle ground. We both care deeply about the well-being of my niece and so this is why our emotions can get the best of us. If we both can recognize that we both want what is best for her we can work together to figure out how to help. 

Self Evaluation of Communication

The results stated that I had moderate communication anxiety, which basically means situational. My listening style stated I was in Group 1 which was people oriented and that meant I was empathetic and this could hinder communication if I use my feelings too much. On the verbal aggression scale I was at a moderate level, but on the higher end which really surprised me. If there is one thing I feel that I am not, it is verbally aggressive. However, after speaking with my friends and family it became apparent to me that maybe I am not verbally aggressive in a negative manner, but I advocate and defend what I believe in and what I know is educationally correct. I do not assume I know it all, but when I do know I have the right answer I defend it.

Communication is important to me, and I feel that through this course and especially in my life experiences the past week this has been validated. I have learned that I need to be a good listener and that I need to be honest with others about how I feel. For example, a friend was supposed to come and help my parents move this weekend. They gave a time span and said that within two hours they would be there to help. I thanked them for their assistance and explained how important it was that we get help due to my Dad’s poor health. The friend was working and ended up working much later without communicating to me that they would not be able to make it. I was very upset. At first I was not going to communicate my feelings, but I changed my mind and told them I was disappointed for the lack of communication. They accepted their part and apologized and we were able to move on without conflict.

Having competent communication causes less stress and fewer conflicts. In my professional life and in my personal life I will continue to actively listen and communicate competently with all of the tools that I have learned during this course. I will not only listen, but I will learn to respect another’s opinion even if it is not my own. I try to do this now, but I know I need to improve. As I have stated to my husband before, you do not have to agree with my opinion, but you do need to respect it. 

Three Strategies

Based on what you have learned this week, share at least three strategies you could use to help you communicate more effectively with the people or groups you have identified

One strategy which I feel is a great foundation for competent communication is high self-esteem. When we have confidence and feel good about ourselves we tend to make better choices and not allow others take advantage of us. Unfortunately, there will always be people in society who do not like your culture or what you are about and they will try to impose negativity on you and take advantage of you. When you are confident in yourself and what you stand for it is harder for others to make you waiver. We have learned this week how much self-esteem play a part in interpersonal relationships and how vital it is to our communication skills.

The next strategy that I would practice is educating myself on the barriers to communication. When we know what can prevent us from being effective communicators then we can combat them and take preventative measures. Barriers can sometimes be hidden and if we do not know that they are there then we can misinform and have less than effective communication with one another.

The last strategy I would implement would be to educate myself about other cultures that I am not familiar with. However, in this same note I would say we still have to learn how to respect one another for diversity in cultures, even if we do not agree with the practices or values. Having respect for another person goes such a long way.

I feel that combined these strategies will help prevent future conflicts, miscommunications, and prejudices. Combining these strategies to me is a way we should live on a daily basis, with a respect for mankind.

Non-Verbal Cues

Everyone has been talking about this new show Orange is the New Black. I decided that I would watch this show and see what I could interpret from the nonverbal cues and also see what all the hype was about. When I watched the show I was confused by who the main character’s relationship was actually with. There was a woman and a man who had relationships with her. In both relationships she seemed to be happy. The hard part was that the show would go back into the past experiences and this confused things a bit with no sound. I figured out in the end that it was obvious that the man and the main character had a stronger relationship and that the woman and the main character ended their relationship on bad terms.

The relationship that I had assumed was a good relationship was that of the cook in the prison and the main character. Without sound it looks as though they are smiling and getting along well. The cook even gives her a present. The verbal cues indicated to me that there was a friendship. I assumed that the main character had gone on a hunger strike of some sort. When I then watched with sound I found out that the main character had in fact insulted the cook and she was withholding food from her. She was showing her strength to the main character and in front of the other prisoners. All of the nonverbal cues that I watched indicated to me that there was not a bad relationship.

I think that when you are involved in a television show and know the characters well you know the story line and can make better assumptions that will be correct. However, even when you think that you know someone or a situation if you are not fully informed and communicate with one another bad assumptions can be made. This project validated my feelings that communication is vital to prevent conflict and assumptions usually do not stand much ground with correct information.

Non-Verbal Cues

Everyone has been talking about this new show Orange is the New Black. I decided that I would watch this show and see what I could interpret from the nonverbal cues and also see what all the hype was about. When I watched the show I was confused by who the main character’s relationship was actually with. There was a woman and a man who had relationships with her. In both relationships she seemed to be happy. The hard part was that the show would go back into the past experiences and this confused things a bit with no sound. I figured out in the end that it was obvious that the man and the main character had a stronger relationship and that the woman and the main character ended their relationship on bad terms.

The relationship that I had assumed was a good relationship was that of the cook in the prison and the main character. Without sound it looks as though they are smiling and getting along well. The cook even gives her a present. The verbal cues indicated to me that there was a friendship. I assumed that the main character had gone on a hunger strike of some sort. When I then watched with sound I found out that the main character had in fact insulted the cook and she was withholding food from her. She was showing her strength to the main character and in front of the other prisoners. All of the nonverbal cues that I watched indicated to me that there was not a bad relationship.

I think that when you are involved in a television show and know the characters well you know the story line and can make better assumptions that will be correct. However, even when you think that you know someone or a situation if you are not fully informed and communicate with one another bad assumptions can be made. This project validated my feelings that communication is vital to prevent conflict and assumptions usually do not stand much ground with correct information.

Competent Communicator

When someone is effectively communicating the audience will be engaged, make eye contact, ask questions, and remember the information that they learn during the communication. My husband is working on his Ph.D. in Education and was recently hired as the Dean of Curriculum and Instruction at a chain of schools in NE Ohio. I have personally witnessed his discussions and presentations that he has presented to audiences. Competent communication has to have a foundation in education of the subject. He has great knowledge of the educational program and the schools systems. I have even watched him and had envy of how much knowledge he can obtain and references while in conversation.

I have watched his audience watch him with intensity and no one is bored with what he has to say. I have never observed an audience who looked at their watch, played with their phone, or walked away. There is active discussion when he is speaking about the educational programs and being an important role in closing the achievement gap. After one of his presentations I had a gentleman come up to me and compliment me on how well spoken my husband was and what enthusiasm and compassion he had for the children. He speaks with genuine heartfelt concern for children reaching their educational milestones and succeeding, even beyond high school.

I think my husband and I have similar approaches to communication and I would love to present myself in the same way that he does. I want to make a difference in the lives of children and their families and I want to be that person someone comes to when they are looking for help. I do not want them to come to me just because they know I am knowledgeable, but because they feel comfortable enough to speak to me.

Professional Hopes and Goals

Soon I will be working for a Head Start program in a highly diverse area and I could not be more excited to use the knowledge gained from this course, Dr. Parrish, and my colleagues. The hope that I have and what I will strive for is to make an effective impact on the lives of children and their families. I want to make a difference, a positive impact on their lives. At the end of the day I want to be rewarded with the fact that I helped someone. I gain more myself when I know that I have empowered someone else to go beyond what they expected they could do. When someone else feels proud or accomplished because I helped show them the way is an awesome feeling. The best part is this does not need to be a grand gesture. Even the small steps and accomplishments are meaningful to me. 

One of my job duties in my new position is training, mentoring, and assessing the teachers in the early childhood program. A goal that I would have for my teachers would be to take the time to continue their education about diversity, how it affects children, what roles they play in equity and social justice, and ultimate how they can be a positive role model to their children and families. I will be observing their classrooms and helping them find new ways to address diversity. I have stated in previous discussions that I feel fear is a large component to why society fails at properly addressing these issues. I will address the topic of fear with my teachers and families. I will find out what their concerns are and where they need assistance. 

This course has been especially helpful to me in this phase of my life. Out of all of my time at Walden these past 8 weeks I have had the most help from Dr. Parrish and my colleagues. When I had a question I had immediate responses. I felt as if my colleagues were genuinely concerned and willing to help me. I cannot thank you all enough for all that you have done for me this past 8 weeks. I am in awe of your support and encouragement. I can only hope that in the future I will be able to repay all that you have done for me.

Welcoming Families From Around the World

Working in a child care center you need to know the children on an individual basis in order to properly care for and educate them. Recently, we have been notified that we will be receiving a new child into our program that has come from the country of Uganda. In order to prepare myself and other educational staff to be culturally responsive towards the child and their family we need to research and learn new things about their culture and where they come from. Here is a list of 5 ways that we will prepare to be culturally responsive.

1. I will research the country extensively and learn about their culture and any religious beliefs that they might follow.

2. I will send the family a packet with regard to information about the program and it will also contain a questionnaire for the family to fill out so that we can get to know a little bit about them prior to attendance. One of the more important questions in the questionnaire will be posed as this….What do you feel is most important for us to know about you?

3. I will look into any communication barriers. If there are any barriers I will research the language, look for an interpreter, and also find any other reasonable means of communication that we can utilize.

4. I will reevaluate the classroom or child care setting. Does my classroom display cultural diversity and do I need to add new cultural material that helps the new student feel comfortable?

5. After learning what I can about the culture I would set up a meeting with the family in the child care setting and in their home before the attendance of the program would occur. This is the foundation to the relationship which is vital to the growth and development of the child.

These preparations would benefit all parties concerned. Educators will be prepared to effective care for and educate the new child and the family will also have a foundation of a growing relationship with the educators. It is important to have a strong relationship with families to support one another through the educational process. These preparations will also show the family how much we care about our position in the child’s life. They will see that it matters to us how the child is being cared for and if the family is comfortable with the new environment. Last, building this relationship will create a foundation of trust so that the family feels comfortable enough to rely on us in times of difficulties. You always want to be able to have a close bond with the families of the children you are working with. You are a team and should work together as such.

The Personal Side of Bias, Prejudice, and Oppressio

I know that it might seem that I am sticking with the same topic when it comes to prejudice but whenever I think about it and how it affects my life or my family’s life this is where it happens. As I have explained to you before my husband is in recovery. Even though my husband is in recovery he and his family have consequences of his past repeatedly. He lost his license due to a DUI a couple years ago but was granted driving privileges. I still do not understand the concept but the general idea is that he can drive to and from work and to any AA related program including meetings, counseling, etc..

Last Friday I was in line at Walmart and my husband called me in a state of panic. He had gotten pulled over. Immediately I was guilty of passing judgment on him by asking what he did wrong, when in fact he had done nothing wrong. In fact the police officer who pulled him over was clearly in the wrong and if I had gotten to the scene soon enough I would have pointed this out. My husband was driving to a meeting and was a little bit early because a fellow friend asked him to come early and talk with him. He was on the side roads very near where the meeting was to be held and an officer was following him. The officer who had nothing better to do that night pulled him over strictly because he ran his plates and saw what was on his record. Along with pulling him over in front of the building where the meeting was about to be held, the officer also called in 3 more officers to come to the scene. It was beyond a waste of resources.

The bottom line is he was pulled over with no just cause, there were no laws being broken the officer just wanted to pull him over based on his driving record. This is completely illegal. My husband showed his proof of insurance and his proof of driving privileges and the officer stated that he was luck because he was about to arrest him and tow his car.

My feelings about this were beyond frustrated for so many reasons. To start off there was no real reason to pull my husband over. The next reason why I was frustrated;  how is it that we can put on his record the fact that he has a driving offense but not that he is in fact allowed to drive? And to top it off, if my husband did not keep multiple copies of this document and he was without it that day, it would have cost our family hundreds of dollars to fix and for what?

The only change that needs to happen here is for the officers of this town to legally pull over people who are actually breaking the law. I do not in any way take driving under the influence lightly. However, I do not feel that he should be pulled over whenever they feel like it just because it is on his driving record. I do not feel someone should be pulled over for the color of their skin or because the police just do not like how they looked at them that day. This is unjust practice and is neglecting the correction of those who are actually breaking the law.

Awareness of Microaggressions...Do you know when you are the aggressor?

In my reflective journal I have shared some personal information about how a family member of mine is a recovering alcoholic. Most people would read that line and wonder why I would bring this up and how does it relate to our course. My answer to those questions will amaze some of you and not surprise others.

When you think about an alcoholic or an addict you think about a dirty man living under a bridge who probably has done some very bad things in his life. You are most likely scared of this person if you ever come across them on an empty road. This is the stigma that society has placed upon those that suffer from the disease of addiction. I will continue to use the word addiction even when referring to alcoholism because alcoholism is an addiction as well.

Recently, I was put in a position while watching one of my son’s baseball games. A parent that I have become friends with commented about one of the others parents in attendance who had obviously decided to bring an alcoholic drink to the game. This parent filled up a traveled size coffee mug and had beverages in their car that they frequently refilled. The baseball game was for boys youth ages 9-10. The parent that I have become friends with started to talk about the other parent who was drinking and making several assumptions about this person. The first assumption was that the drinking parent was uneducated. The next assumption was that this person could be categorized in a lower socioeconomic status. I will go on to say that she also assumed that the person was a bad parent, even a bad person overall.

Normally, I do not share much information with someone unless I am feeling closer to them, trust them. However in this situation I had to share information to help them understand the meaning of addiction as a disease. I asked her what she thought about myself and my family. She replied that she thought we were your normal everyday middle class family. She was right, although she was very wrong at the same time.

My husband is working on finishing his Phd in Education, and is the director of curriculum, instruction and assessment for a large school system. My husband is a recovering alcoholic. He is educated, has a wife, four children, two cars, and lives a normal functioning lifestyle. You see the friend that I was talking about was offending me, although she did not mean to in any way. The stigma that surrounds this disease causes people to feel uncomfortable with those that are afflicted with the disease. I have to tell you that the parent that I explained this in utter shock when I told her my story. She apologized for her assumptions and asked me a lot of questions about the disease.

When we do not know people on an intimate level we can inadvertently cause them pain by speaking prejudice from ignorance of the subject matter. Even when we might feel that our opinions or beliefs are what is right, we must learn to bite our tongue and respect others. This woman had no idea that I had lived the life that I did and how the disease affected our family. She hurt my feelings without intention and would not have had a clue if I did not tell her. Everyone, I do not care who we are, is guilty of speaking discrimination and prejudice to someone without intent.

The lesson is to think before you speak and to be informed about what you want to say about someone. I have learned to think twice before voicing my opinion, I have learned to ask questions, and I have learned that maybe someone who looks to be struggling might need my help instead of my judgment. That parent that had the mug of alcohol at their son’s baseball game could have need someone to help them. Yes they might just be making what I believe to be a poor choice or maybe they just needed some resources to get help.