My Supports

Support, my personal definition is a collaboration of people, literature, self-help, and resources that work together to help you through adversities and even the encouragement through good times we face in our life. These entities work together only if you allow them. If you accept the support and work together with them to promote a healthy life style you will become victorious. I believe that self-support is the first obstacle that many of us have to accept as a way to work through adversities. We cannot wallow in guilt and pity and expect others to do all the work for us. We have to put in a little work ourselves. When we decide we want to work our way through the day and be an active participant we can then accept the support from others and have an open mind to look for resources and consider what those resources have to offer us.

In the past year I have faced an adversity in my life that has caused heartache and many obstacles. There were mornings I would wake up and want to stay under the covers and not emerge for the day ahead. I had support myself and have the determination to get out of the bed, once I did I then had to look to my support to help me cope with the day or sometimes even just the next hour ahead. I would call my support group which consisted of close friends and family members. The people in my support group listened, gave non-judgmental words of encouragement, asked what I needed, and also asked what they could do to help me. When I needed time to myself without those specific supports I could look to literature and other resources that would help boost my energy to keep fighting through the day. The best quality of a support group of people is that they know when you need them and how to be there and they also know when it is time to back off and give you room to breathe. When I speak of literature I am referring to books, online literature or even taking to writing in a journal of your own. Resources are those support groups online, music, or groups that gather in support of one another.

The benefits of support are to rely on another person, place, or thing in order to help put one foot in front of the other. When we cannot find the answers we are looking for, when we just need a shoulder to cry on, or when we need a pat on the back to say that we did the right thing, that is what a support system does for us. For me without the support I would not make it through many of my days. I would suffer mentally and I would say also physically. I would feel alone, become depressed, and ultimately physical illness would affect me. If we are not of sound mind, mentally and emotionally healthy we cannot be physically healthy as well. For me I need to seek within myself to take on the day and know when to use the support system that I have established.

Share the challenge you chose to imagine and the thoughts you have with regard to supports you would want and need. Again, describe factors within your daily environment would be supportive to you, including the ways in which these factors would provide support. Describe what you see as the potential benefits of these supports. How difficult would it be to exist without these supports? The impact they would have on your life if they weren't there?

We were asked to share a challenge we do not currently have. Let me first say that the adversity that I have been discussing so far is that I have a close family member who is afflicted with the disease of alcoholism/addiction. So the challenge that I chose to imagine would be if this person falls victim to this disease and ultimately dies. This is an imagined challenge but it is also a very real possibility for me that I have thought about more times than I care to share.

Before I go any further I want to acknowledge why I chose to share this challenge I face on a day to day basis along with the imagined challenge. Alcoholism/Addiction is a disease; it is also a family disease that has a stigma that has clouded the judgment of many people. When people and their families are affected by the disease they hide in shame and embarrassment when in reality the statistics are that 15 million of Americans are affected by the disease (http://alcoholismstatistics.net/). Think about that, 15 million people, now think about all of the family and friends around them that are affected, how common does it seem to be now? If I can share and help one person, then I will feel like I have accomplished something at the end of the day. Sometimes speaking out can save a life and you do not even know that you did.

So now we think about this real possible challenge that many people face on a day to day basis. If this scenario ever hit home for me, the support system I have now would be my life line. I would need emotional and physical support. I might even literally need the physical support to remove myself from the depths of sadness I would for sure face. This would affect our entire family and we would all need support to help one another grieve. We would also support each other in the daily activities and trying to move on with our lives without this most important person in our lives.  The benefits that the support system would bring me would save my life. Daily living skills would be supported by those in my family and close friends, while they would also meet my emotional needs. I know that I would have to find the strength to move on and support my family as well, but that is what defines a family unit, love and support.

For anyone who is need of help I will refer you to these resources.

Alcoholics Anonymous

Al anon

http://www.freeaddictionhelpline.com/?gclid=CKLImre9lLsCFbQWMgodXiQAUw

Help Hotline 1-866-925-7411

My Connections to Play

Play energizes us and enlivens us. It eases our burdens. It renews our natural sense of optimism and opens us up to new possibilities.

Stuart Brown, MD Contemporary American psychiatrist

It’s 1984 and I am 6 years old. When I wake up in the morning I get dressed and quickly eat a bowl of cereal. Before my mom can get me to brush my hair or my teeth I am out the front door. I do not need many material things to keep me happy and engaged because I love to be outside and the neighborhood is filled with children my age. Also my grandparents live directly across the street and my cousin who is a year older than me often comes to visit. Our street is only two blocks long, everyone knows each other, and the road is barely used by cars except for those who live on the street. This is our playground and there is an abundance of things for us to do. One of my favorite things to do is take my boom box outside with me and set it on the front steps and listen to music. Two of my closest friends live about four houses down and that is where I begin my day, knocking on their front door waiting for them to come out and play with me. Once they are permitted to come out and play we go back down to my house and put on the music. On this particular day we decide to listen to a song and create a dance to the words of a song. Yakety Yak by the Coasters is the song we like. We play the song over and over acting out what we interpret the song to mean. I even take the broom from my mother’s kitchen closet to pretend to sweep. We do this for what seems to be hours. 

When my friends and I have become bored with our dance project we decide to play kick ball. To play kick ball we have to get the rest of the kids in the neighborhood to come and join us. The boys from down the street come over and we have a game going. With all the kids in the neighborhood we have about 12 kids so we can evenly split the teams. Of course the boys do dominate the girls, but we still hold our own. My dad comes out and volunteers to pitch the ball to us and helps us make bases. We had bases made out of pizza boxes, someone’s shirt, or even a broken down pop can. Our field is in the street, but there is never a time that we get worried about cars. Even when a car did travel down the road we would pause the game and immediately go right back to where we were. We all got along and there were hardly ever any conflicts between us while we were playing, above arguing whether we got the guy out at second base. It is time for lunch and some parents try to get their children to come home but most just figure we will eat when we are hungry. My mom would sometimes let everyone come out to the back porch and she would make us peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. 

On hot days we had a pool and of course we were the house to gather at. We could swim for hours. There were many games we liked to play such as Marco Polo, catch, or creating a whirlpool were everyone worked together walking as fast as we could around the edge of the pool. We never stopped moving during the day. We would take a break from the pool and ride our bikes around the block and then get back in the pool. On most days we had to be in when the streets lights came on. We would cry and argue while begging for just a few more minutes. However, there were some days that our parents would light the tiki torches and allow us to go night swimming. It is funny to me that as active as we were throughout the day we were still up early in the morning to start again.

When children pretend, they’re using their imaginations to move beyond the bounds of reality. A stick can be a magic wand. A sock can be a puppet. A small child can be a superhero.

Fred Rogers

American children’s television host

For me adults were involved but not actively. We were left to our own imaginations. We figured out what to play, how to play it, and what materials we were going to use to have the most fun with it. We were not just physically active. We were using the tools in our mind actively creating scenarios for play. If you told us back then that we were learning and growing while we were playing, we would not believe you, and it might have even taken the fun out of it.

I believe that play today is extremely different than when I was younger, for many reasons. Electronics and media use has grown and children rarely ache to be outdoors. When I was younger the most television we would watch is Saturday morning cartoons and maybe a movie here or there when my parents allowed it. Children today have their eyes glued to the television, video game, computer, Ipad, Ipod, cell phone, or etc. Physical activity is not at the top of their priority list. I feel children need to learn how to play and use their imagination. It seems to me that these media outlets are not leaving much imagination up to the children and it seems to be desensitizing them as well. My hope is that parents start getting more involved and guide their children to more active play, limit their time with technology and show them what fun they can create outside.

For me, play has taught me many things. When I was younger we played from the time we opened our eyes until we passed out in our beds at night. Our minds were constantly engaged and our imaginations ran wild. I was physically active and stayed physically healthy. Staying physically happy is not the only positive aspect. When we played we were using our minds, creating, and building on the learning foundations that were laid by parents and teachers. Little did we know at the time that while playing kick ball we were using mathematical tools. Today in adulthood I still know how to play. I have four children that I am always playing with. Their technology time is limited, but there are moments when I come in and shut the television off and say it is dance party time. We dance, laugh, and sing. Playing is not only good for the mind in terms of development and learning; it is also good for the emotional and mental well-being of a child or adult. Stress is a fact of life, we all face it at some point in time and some face it more than others. When we play, even as an adult, we lessen the impact of stress in our lives.

If you want to be creative, stay in part a child, with the creativity and invention that characterizes children before they are deformed by adult society.

Jean Piaget

Swiss philosopher

Relationship Reflection

When a person says the word “relationship” the assumption is that they are talking about a man and a woman. However, relationship is a bond, interconnection, or a kinship that you hold with any other person or even pet. My relationships that I hold dear to my heart are those with my husband, children, family, and friends. These relationships are important to me because I rely on them in as many ways as they rely on me. In these relationships we support, respect, and love one another unconditionally and through good times and bad. Relationships between these people keep my head lifted high when I am having a good day and they know me well enough to recognize when I need to be cheered up or just have a shoulder to cry on. Above all else the relationships that I have with my husband, family, and friends are the reasons I wake in the morning and strive to be a better person every day.

My husband and I have a very close relationship. We have struggled through tough adversities and come out the other side when most couples would have probably thrown in the towel. He and I stand by each other no matter what the situation may be. We are partners in life and in parenthood and we share the responsibilities of raising our four beautiful children. We might not always get along, but that makes us stronger to recognize our differences, know when to apologize, and then remember to move on and not hold a grudge. We know each other well enough to know when the other one either needs extra attention or just time to themselves. Our relationship can be challenged by the many different diversities that life can bring to the table, but in the end we know that together is the only way to overcome them.

My children and I have a relationship that only a mother can understand. Even though children love their parents unconditionally, it is still a one sided relationship at times because they are not old enough to appreciate the relationship and what it stands for. The respect that children find for the relationships with their parents usually does not come until they become adults, or even parents themselves. The bond that a mother has with their child is something from a story book. I take long moments to just sit back and watch my children and I am in awe of them. I cannot believe how full they have made my heart and how much I want to do with myself in order to provide a good life for them. I want to be a positive role model in their life and I want to make sure that when they do become parents they can look back and be proud of the mother that I was to them.

I have many friends, but two of these friends are very close to me now. These relationships are relatively new as well. I had close friends growing up and unfortunately as an adult you learn that when your lifestyle changes, your friends might not hang around for that change. The thing about these two friends that I have now is that I was willing to confide in them when I needed help and guidance and they took me in with no judgment. I was facing rather trying time in my life and I did not know if I could trust them, but I put myself out there and I will always be glad that I did. Stacey and Alison are two people that I would do anything for, they are like my family. They have been by my side when no one else wanted to be and never once hesitating to be there. That is an example of a true friendship. Even if we do not talk for a few days we can call each other and pick right back up where we were. For example, last Sunday I needed desperately to separate myself from life and just take a break for a minute. I called Stacey up and she said I am on my way. And then in ten minutes she was at my door picking me up just so we could go somewhere for me to whine and vent.

Developing relationships can be challenging when you are not willing to take chances and trust other people. Being open with others is how to form a relationship and also how we maintain that relationship as well. We need to be great communicators when it comes to our relationships. People are not capable of reading minds, even in our best relationships, we might know something is wrong but the other person has to open up and share what is on their mind. When this communication exists it makes it possible to help one another and also to strengthen the bond that the relationship holds. I have had relationships that have grown in opposite directions, but from my point of view if those people ever wanted to have the relationship grow back together again I would be more than willing  to communicate.

There are characteristics that maintain a relationship and there are also characteristics that make a relationship a partnership as well. My husband and I sometimes good or bad have brutal honesty with each other. I am able to tell him when I need him, he is able to tell me when he has just had enough, and we are able to relate to each other as a man and woman and also as parents. We work together in life and on a daily basis to keep the house running and the kids on the right track to success in their future. Besides honesty I feel compromise is another characteristic that works well in our relationship in order to make it a partnership. If I cook dinner tonight then you have to do homework with the kids, or I will feed the baby if you give the other kids a bath, these are just some examples of our compromises on a daily basis. And there are days where either he or I might feel burned out and the other will pick up the slack. For example, I had surgery not long ago and my husband took care of me, the kids, and the house. He did the best he could to make sure I was rested and the house was close to my standards.

My knowledge of working and non-working relationships will help me become a better communicator, active and reflective contributor, and positive role model for the children that I work with. I would even hope that my colleagues would take note to the open communication lines that I display. Children need to see that honest and active communication is how positive relationships are formed. Even when we think that they are not watching they are soaking in all of the activity in their surrounding environments. If I talk to a colleague disrespectfully, children will witness it and question whether that is appropriate or not and in turn whether it is vital to have a positive relationship or not. We as educators and parents need to role model for the children positive relationships and how we handle diversity and work through adversities.